Post by Khyron1144 on Mar 1, 2013 14:37:57 GMT -5
The Cosmic Joke
Let me fill your heart with laughter;
Togetherness is all I'm after.
-The Jackson 5, "I'll Be There"
The Joke has no substance. It affects the mind of its user/host.
You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes.
-Katy Perry, "Hot 'N Cold"
It's rather distracting and leads to a scattered state of mind. It's kind of like having an MP3 player on shuffle with an infinite battery in your head.
We can act like we come from out of this world;
Leave the real one far behind.
-Men Without Hats, "Safety Dance"
A host/possessee/possessor with access to spells from the Wizard spell list, often by way of having levels in a Wizard subclass or something like Bard, Gypsy, or Jester, is treated as if he was a Wild Mage subject to random caster level fluctuations and wild surges.
A little gamblin' is fun when you're with me
-Lady Gaga, "Pokerface"
All utterances made by the Joke's host/possessee/possessor are subjected to either a Tongues spell or a Babble spell (50% chance of either).
Yo! I'll tell you what I want
What I really, really want
-The Spice Girls, "Wannabe"/ "Weird" Al Yankovic, "All Star Polka"
Any time the host/possessee/possessor attempts to retrieve something from an extra-dimensional storage space (Bag of Holding, Portable Hole, Heward's Handy Haversack, Key of Storage, even a Bag of Devouring), he has a 50% chance to retrieve the item and a 50% chance to withdraw a 1D6 roll:
1 Bag of Tricks furball
2 Bag of Beans bean
3 Deck of Many Things card
4 Deck of Illusions card
5 Robe of Useful Items patch
6 Robe of Useless Items patch
But don't play with me;
'Cause you're playing with fire.
-The Rolling Stones, "Play With Fire"
Besides these rather dubious "powers", the Cosmic Joke bestows on its host/possessee/possessor the following powers and side effects:
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst!
-Katy Perry, "Firework"
I: Color Spray 3/day
I wanna get out of this city alive,
And make like an apeman.
-The Kinks, "Apeman"
I: Speak With Animals 3/day
I'm not like them, but I can pretend.
-Nirvana, "Dumb"
I: Speak With Plants 7/week
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
-Lady Gaga, "Pokerface"
I: Web 1/day
Facing the world ain't easy.
-The Kinks, "Get Back in Line"
I: Immune to Fear
Why they changed it I can't say;
People just liked it better that way.
-They Might Be Giants, "Constantinople"
II: Transmute Rock to Mud 2/day
Be a crack jackanapes,
And they'll imitate you like apes.
-Cole Porter, "Be A Clown"
II: Confusion 1/day
Don't believe everything you breathe.
-Beck, "Loser"
III: Yelling becomes necessary to invoke spells with verbal components.
Wear the cap and the bells,
And you'll rate with all the great swells.
-Cole Porter, "Be A Clown"
IV: Geas/Quest placed on host/possessee/possessor to get him/her to embarass an authority figure.
You're not the boss of me now,
And you're not so big.
-They Might Be Giants, "Boss of Me"
IV: The Cosmic Joke is powerless against and hates Athach, and when within 10" (that is AD&D 1e's scale inches) of an Athach host/possessee/possessor must attack.
While we're still active,
Let's misbehave!
-Cole Porter, "Let's Misbehave"
V: Prismatic Spray 1/day
I don't feel safe in this world no more;
I don't want to die in a nuclear war;
I want to sail away to a distant shore,
And make like an apeman.
-The Kinks, "Apeman"
V: Shape Change 2/day
Your love-life will run into trouble, when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest.
-"Weird" Al Yankovic, "Your Horoscope For Today"
VI: The alignment of The Cosmic Joke's host/possessee/possessor changes to CN.
Let me fill your heart with laughter;
Togetherness is all I'm after.
-The Jackson 5, "I'll Be There"
The Joke has no substance. It affects the mind of its user/host.
You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes.
-Katy Perry, "Hot 'N Cold"
It's rather distracting and leads to a scattered state of mind. It's kind of like having an MP3 player on shuffle with an infinite battery in your head.
We can act like we come from out of this world;
Leave the real one far behind.
-Men Without Hats, "Safety Dance"
A host/possessee/possessor with access to spells from the Wizard spell list, often by way of having levels in a Wizard subclass or something like Bard, Gypsy, or Jester, is treated as if he was a Wild Mage subject to random caster level fluctuations and wild surges.
A little gamblin' is fun when you're with me
-Lady Gaga, "Pokerface"
All utterances made by the Joke's host/possessee/possessor are subjected to either a Tongues spell or a Babble spell (50% chance of either).
Yo! I'll tell you what I want
What I really, really want
-The Spice Girls, "Wannabe"/ "Weird" Al Yankovic, "All Star Polka"
Any time the host/possessee/possessor attempts to retrieve something from an extra-dimensional storage space (Bag of Holding, Portable Hole, Heward's Handy Haversack, Key of Storage, even a Bag of Devouring), he has a 50% chance to retrieve the item and a 50% chance to withdraw a 1D6 roll:
1 Bag of Tricks furball
2 Bag of Beans bean
3 Deck of Many Things card
4 Deck of Illusions card
5 Robe of Useful Items patch
6 Robe of Useless Items patch
But don't play with me;
'Cause you're playing with fire.
-The Rolling Stones, "Play With Fire"
Besides these rather dubious "powers", the Cosmic Joke bestows on its host/possessee/possessor the following powers and side effects:
'Cause baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst!
-Katy Perry, "Firework"
I: Color Spray 3/day
I wanna get out of this city alive,
And make like an apeman.
-The Kinks, "Apeman"
I: Speak With Animals 3/day
I'm not like them, but I can pretend.
-Nirvana, "Dumb"
I: Speak With Plants 7/week
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
-Lady Gaga, "Pokerface"
I: Web 1/day
Facing the world ain't easy.
-The Kinks, "Get Back in Line"
I: Immune to Fear
Why they changed it I can't say;
People just liked it better that way.
-They Might Be Giants, "Constantinople"
II: Transmute Rock to Mud 2/day
Be a crack jackanapes,
And they'll imitate you like apes.
-Cole Porter, "Be A Clown"
II: Confusion 1/day
Don't believe everything you breathe.
-Beck, "Loser"
III: Yelling becomes necessary to invoke spells with verbal components.
Wear the cap and the bells,
And you'll rate with all the great swells.
-Cole Porter, "Be A Clown"
IV: Geas/Quest placed on host/possessee/possessor to get him/her to embarass an authority figure.
You're not the boss of me now,
And you're not so big.
-They Might Be Giants, "Boss of Me"
IV: The Cosmic Joke is powerless against and hates Athach, and when within 10" (that is AD&D 1e's scale inches) of an Athach host/possessee/possessor must attack.
While we're still active,
Let's misbehave!
-Cole Porter, "Let's Misbehave"
V: Prismatic Spray 1/day
I don't feel safe in this world no more;
I don't want to die in a nuclear war;
I want to sail away to a distant shore,
And make like an apeman.
-The Kinks, "Apeman"
V: Shape Change 2/day
Your love-life will run into trouble, when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest.
-"Weird" Al Yankovic, "Your Horoscope For Today"
VI: The alignment of The Cosmic Joke's host/possessee/possessor changes to CN.